“So, basically, he was murdered?!”
- Female carnie at the fair on the phone as she’s blowing bubbles in a child’s face from some handheld bubble blower
Mid eye-roll
It’s so nice to be reminded that there are always people dumber than you
I was answering phones today at work and got a call from this girl who needed directions to the store. (As soon as she started talking I could tell she probably failed FCAT a few times, but I’m there to help, not judge.) While she didn’t know how to get to the store (despite having a smartphone), she knew that she had to take a major interstate to get there. So far, so good. I told her to get off at the specific exit and head east.
“I don’t know what that means. Do I take a right or a left?”
I hesitated. Part of me just wanted to hang up on her, part of me wanted to laugh, but the majority of my parts wanted to say, “Let me break it down for you: we live in an area next to an ocean where all of the roads go north and south and east and west. That ocean is a reference point. You should know whether or not you’re heading towards that ocean or away from it, or that it will be on your right or left side.”
I’ve said this before, but if I was the supreme dictator of the world, I would just execute anyone who has an IQ below 100.
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
i know you tried so hard, but you can’t even win
you gotta try a little harder, you’re the comeback kid
An elderly asian lady just stopped me in the pasta aisle of publix to ask me if alfredo sauce and fettucine would go well together
I must have looked like one of the most experienced Italian cuisine masters to her.
"Your change is pi."
— Things I say to customers part 46
Talking with crush at a party
Him: I didn’t think Bridesmaids was funny at all.
Me: (SPIT TAKE)
Him: Yeah, I walked out of it in the theatre.
Me: Lol bye.
Have I transcended race
when I can’t tell white people apart?
I don’t wanna be that guy…
But I just called the towing company for some random douchebag’s Ford F-150 parked in my parking spot.
