I went outside to have a cigarette and this dude is just straight up chillin. New cat bromance up in here.
Small world of the day
I helped this dude tonight who needed some special software that his computer couldn’t handle because of its outdated operating system. I eventually figured out that all he needed to do was import some videos, so I tried a different program and of course it worked. There were two clips on his camera, just a few seconds long.
I opened the first clip and saw a salesman staring into the lens, talking about the features of the camera for a few seconds. I recognized the person immediately. I asked my customer, “Is that [Benedict Cumberbatch]?” (Crazy-sounding celebrity name substituted to protect the innocent.)
As it turns out, it was Benedict, and I only recognized him because we had both traveled to Australia together for three weeks in 2001 during a student ambassador program our parents sent us on. 12 years later and I still recognized his face.
Long story short the customer bought everything I told him to and I’ll probably never talk to Benedict again.
Lists of famous people
I’ve seen in public:
- Ray Liotta
- Steve Wozniak
- Venus or Serena Williams
- Latarian “I just wanted to do hoodrat stuff with my friends” Milton
I’ve actually met:
- None because I’m too much of a pussy to say hi or introduce myself
“The Matrix Retold by Mom”
I don’t mean to be one of those blogs that only reposts videos found on Reddit but this made me 1) laugh out loud, which most internet videos almost never can achieve because I am so internet-jaded and 2) actually made tears fly out of my eyeballs because of the amount of laughter it produced. I am convinced that his mom and my mom are the same person.
I dreamt my right foot got cut off and I had a robot foot in its place
and I was surprisingly nonchalant about the whole thing
Tig Notaro is distracted by cat pictures on her phone!!!
yay I’m losing followers
I was getting worried this blog was getting too mainstream. Gotta keep my hipster rootz.
I am an asshole
[Coworker comes into work with a shaved head.]
Me, acting fake concerned: Hey, I wanted to ask, did you have a Britney Spears meltdown yesterday?
Coworker: No, but I did shave my head to raise money for cancer research.
EDIT: Later in the day I accidentally insinuated that my boss was fat
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Remember that website 750words.com?
I signed up for one of those writing challenges back in September 2010 where you have to write every day and if you skip a few days you have to pay a dollar per day or something. Anyway I totally forgot about it until recently (and I guess I owe them money?) but I read this entry from 2010 that really resonated with me:
“I sometimes wonder what I would do if I was told that I have some sort of terminal cancer and only have a few weeks to live. Would I get depressed? Would I just laugh it off and be like, “whatever!” and go into denial? Actually, I know exactly what I’d do. I’d sign up for like 10 credit cards and max them out doing crazy shit. Skydiving, going to every theme park/water park in the world, paying Brandy from Moesha to stand in the corner of my room and just swing around her braids. Stuff like that.”
A short list of why I think cooking is terrible
- Good luck trying to find a generic, simple recipe and instructions on how to cook salmon because every online recipe requires 45 ingredients
- The instructions for each online recipe will contradict each other, causing you to just say “fuck it, I’ll wing it”
- You will go through half a roll of paper towels during preparation and cleanup
- That moment of trepidation when you take your first bite and wonder, “Will this cause diarrhea for me later?”
(The only pro’s of cooking are that sometimes what you make can taste surprisingly good and there’s always leftovers.)
