Interviewer: hi how are—
Never: First things first, I’m the realest.
Interviewer: so why do you want to work in human resources?
Me: I’m a human
I’ve had it since 2009 and never really learned how to use it. I’m telling myself it will help in my future job search if I ever decide to apply to some sort of social media job. But then I look at my most recent tweets and I talk about not being a real adult and referencing obscure memes.
Karl Lagerfeld, 2003
Me: What’s the name of your company?
Customer: Oh, um. Wait. The Research…hang on, it’s… *she looks to her daughter* What’s the name of our company?
Me: Oh, it’s okay—
Customer: Oh yeah, the Alzheimer’s Research and Treatment Center.
When I eavesdrop on his phone calls with his family, it gives me tons of source material for my island accent.
because they’re in town visiting and then you flake since its raining and you’re tired and they send a snapchat video of how much fun they’re having while you’re binge-watching some obscure Canadian TV series despite how tired you were earlier.
The corporation that I worked at during an internship right after I graduated four years ago just posted a job for a video production designer, I’m assuming because the previous girl left. I’m thinking about applying but then remember that after I left the internship they randomly called me and asked that I take down a post I made on my Tumblr making fun of some lady that worked there. I’ve since learned my lesson about posting about work things so much, but I’m wondering if A) they’d remember that and B) if the same people are even still working there and C) if they hire me anyway and then the company goes down the toilet because it’s been four years and that seems to be the trend I’ve noticed, or D) if the asshole that ratted my Tumblr out to them to begin with still works there.